Don’t be too positive!
Many self help trainers will teach you all sorts of ways to be more positive… affirmations, motivational techniques, how to avoid negative thinking, etc. While this is certainly something worth achieving, it’s a mistake to completely avoid looking at the negative portions of your life. In fact, sometimes you want to really get upset at yourself! This is what it takes for many of us to finally be willing to make a change in our life, we need some unhappiness to move us towards action. While positive reinforcement (e.g. looking at what we want) may sound better than negative reinforcement (looking at what we don’t like), it’s the negative that often carries stronger motivation.
For example, let’s say you’re finding it difficult to keep on a workout routine. Look for ways that will drive home a call to action, here’s some examples:
1. Get your cholesterol checked… get worried about heart problems if it’s too high
2. Look at yourself in the mirror undressed, are you disgusted with any excess fat?
3. Do you tire too easily, can’t keep up with friends and family? Get upset!
4. Are you paying for a health club and not going? Get upset that you are wasting money and not following through!
If you’re going along through life with only positive thoughts of “everything is wonderful”, then you are not giving yourself the motivation to change something that should be changed.
However, don’t make the mistake of creating motivation without taking a first action step towards that change. Using the example above, go do a workout ASAP. Even better are actions which show more commitment to the change. For example joining a health club, joining a sports team, or even better scheduling something with a partner (e.g. a daily walk) who can help hold you accountable to your goal.
The key is to sometimes set aside the happy feelings you want to have 99% of the time and just get mad at yourself and make a tough decision to do something about it. Take an introspective look at something about something you don’t like about your life, I think each of us has something we could find to improve. But once you set the course towards positive change, by all means stay positive about it and take pride in the fact that you are improving yourself for the benefit of not only yourself, but others in your life.
We jump on the positive wagon as we are being led by the spur of the moment then regreted that moment does not seem to be. How do we know whether that positive moment is RIGHT for us?
K Amber
Baby Steps To Extreme Mind Power
http://simplemindpower.com/blog/
Thanks for this post. I talk to people about the LoA and how it helped me to heal myself of chronic pain. I needed to notice how bad I felt and that gave me the determination to take steps to change the way I felt. Noticing is good — dwelling in it and not taking action is not. Great post and writing! Gratefully, Jenny
Excellent!! The truth is I think I have taken life changing actions (for the better) when I got just a little out of my peaceful state of mind. I made that call to the big corporate person that I was shying away from, I made a pitch for my own radio show-which I got! Very important contribution on your part!
I can relate to what you are saying. I took on changing the way I think and feel 3 years ago and it has changed my life, and as you say, others too. What I did find about ‘not feeling so good’ is that it helps me identify my fears and thus follow the feeling to understand what it is. When dealing with the feeling it is easier to take positive action towards positive change.
From Caos comes clarity, being upset is sometimes helpful, just don’t stay there too long :)
Thanks for the info, very valuable.
Relli
http://www.rellisiegel.com
I agree that trying to be positive can be a hinderance to your peronal growth. Shifting your attention too quickly from a negative feeling to a positive feeling can cause you to miss an opportunity. When you allow yourself to feel that negative feeling, you get an opportunity to examine the root cause of that feeling which could then lead to eradicating that negative feeling.
Hmm… I don’t know. I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but I think that any action that is motivated by “I hate the way XYZ is” won’t really work out.
Instead, think of a man in love with his car. He spends hours polishing it, washing it, adding bodykits, etc. I think that changes should come from that state of mind. Hope you don’t mind me disagreeing.
Cheers,
Albert | UrbanMonk.Net
Modern personal development, entwined with ancient spirituality.
Well said. Many coaches avoid telling you to confront your negative emotions. However, for emotional healing to happen, you will need to uncover the deepest and darkest secrets that lie in your subconscious mind. By bringing them out into the open, can there by insight and the possibility of change and transformation.
Evelyn
http://www.attractionmindmap.com
Albert, I like opposing views and sorry for the delay in approving the comment, I got behind. I would agree with you in situations where there is already a positive direction, like your example. However people can sometimes get in a rut and not see beyond that. To use your example, if someone is driving a car which presents a danger to themself or others, you don’t want them convincing themselves it’s “good enough” or avoiding thinking about getting a better car. Maybe getting totally disgusted with the old car is just what is needed to take some action towards replacing it. I think it’s a matter of not ignoring that little voice which tells you something “is not ok”, and then doing something about it. If everything is going great with someone then by all means yes I think that positive state of mind should carry them forward by leveraging the enthusiasm and momentum it carries.
I must say I’m a bit surprised reading this. To me, there is a big difference between being positive and being blind to negative things. You post and comments seems to show they are the same thing, which they are definitely not.
Terrible things, circumstances and others things that really ought to or are desirable to change can still be recognized by an extremely positive person. Its all in how a person responds, not in what they see! A positive person seeing failure or horror or anything else they would like to avoid still sees it, they simple choose to respond in a positive way. Make a change for the future, improve oneself in that area, whatever it takes. Being negative tends to let negative events lead deeper down a road of despair, depression, self attacks, etc.
So, I think you really have two separate things but have clumped them together in this post. The only time you can really be too positive (in my opinion) is when you negatively impact others because of it. Moderate to fit in with others…
Thanks for the comments Mike. I do agree that your premise is the way it should be, that you can remain in a positive state while still contemplating something which is not the way you prefer, and then taking action. However I still feel that for some people, dropping into a negative emotional state may be the only way they ever find the motivation to actually make changes. My interest in self improvement and subsequent successes in life came from this type of situation. Being “too positive” is just a catchy title, what I’m really trying to say is sometimes it’s ok to have negative emotions like frustration and anger if it’s a catalyst to positive change. Ideally this isn’t necessary, the ultimate goal should be to take control of our beliefs, goals, emotions, actions, etc. so we are in control of our life.
It’s not a clear-cut subject.
‘If you’re going along through life with only positive thoughts of “everything is wonderful”, then you are not giving yourself the motivation to change something that should be changed.’
The “everything is wonderful” thoughts are what everyone wants, hence personal development. I think it would be bad for many to diminish or sacrifice that state of mind for pursuit of development. It can lead to better things, but a break from “everything is wonderful” should come about naturally.
Fear motivates but with fear it’s always ‘the end justifies the means’ - no-one likes being afraid, or self-hating for that matter.
With positive motivation the means is great just on its own - and you get the end too.
Richard
http://www.reachingabetterplace.com
Good article. Too much positive thinking can sure be very detrimental to one’s life. I let Lw of Attraction stuff lull me into a fall sense of security for years, and it’s made my life go from ok to bad. Used the wrong way, personal development technologies and philophies can be quite effective in helping you ruin your life.