Feeling unimportant
The feeling of being unimportant can be so devastating that some people take drastic measures to make sure that their presence is recognized. If we think back to when we were in elementary school, we can remember the class clown who called attention to himself by overt misbehavior. His being singled out by the teacher and being sent to the principal’s office was a desperate attempt to be noticed.
These actions are not restricted to young people. If we feel distressed because of a negative self-concept and think that other people do not appreciate us, we may seek recognition in an effort to convince ourselves as well as everyone else that we are respectable people and are not as bad as we are afraid we may be. Therefore, we may push for recognition in different ways.
When inviting people to a family gathering, the hostess may say, “I better get Aunt Susie’s invitation out first. If we somehow forget her, or if she thinks anyone else was invited before her, we will never hear the end of it.” Aunt Susie demands recognition “or else,” which is hardly likely to elicit much affection. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be recognized, but when we feel good about ourselves we assume that our presence is noticed at least by some people. If we feel inferior, we may feel that our presence is not noted at all, or if it is, it is not noted enough by a sufficient number of people.
Right after a public speech, there is often a question-and-answer period. Many people ask pertinent questions of the speaker, but every once in a while someone from the audience delivers a speech. There is little doubt that this person wants to make everyone in the audience aware that he is there and has something to say, even though it may have nothing to do with the subject of the lecture. The folly of such an action is that the inappropriateness of this person’s comments may cause people in the audience to feel that he just wants attention. This is an example of how some maneuvers to escape the negative self-concept feelings backfire. This person, who desperately seeks to impress others, actually causes them to think poorly of him.
Demanding recognition in order to overcome feelings of shame and low self-concept is as futile as trying to fill a bottomless pit. Just as the drug addict may require ever-increasing doses of narcotics to get high, the person who seeks recognition is likely to be chronically dissatisfied and constantly demand greater attention.
[This article was written by an outside contributor]
Feeling you are too important also causes these side effects.
One of the key identifiers of someone who is narcisistic is that they constantly need people to support how great they are.
Both types of self-images are unstable. You need to have a healthy, realistic picture of yourself.
I placed a link to you on my blog. Keep up the good work.