How do I find out who I am?

Discussion in 'General Self Improvement' started by Will_to_improve, May 16, 2017. Replies: 11 | Views: 573

  1. Will_to_improve

    Will_to_improve New Member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2017
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Hello,
    I am new to this forum. I know many people on this forum have probably much deeper issues than I do, but um…
    Ever since my ex girlfriend broke up with me on December 2015 I feel like I've been slowly dying inside. I feel like I am overcoming the depression and the acid isn't cauterising and boiling so deep in my heart. So I feel like I'm overcoming the depression.
    I don't cry anymore every single night or every time I come from work, however, now I feel like completely empty and I don't have any feelings anymore, nor I'm as passionate about life as I used to be. All I know is that I'm not happy and I don't know how to achieve happiness.

    During the break up I had I used to go to run and try to take care of myself in order not to fall into deeper depression. However, now I am feeling completely empty and unmotivated and I have no idea what to do with my life nor who I am and I don't know what makes me happy. I have no dreams or purpose anymore.

    How to change that? I can imagine it'll be a lot of work, however I need advice and directions.

    Thank you.
     
    msuccess likes this.


  2. msuccess

    msuccess Administrator Staff Member

    Joined:
    May 28, 2011
    Messages:
    685
    Likes Received:
    355
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    California, USA
    Skype:
    msuccess916
    Hi, I think this is more common than you might think, people usually don't talk about it. I have days like that, is it all the time? If not, think about what you're doing when you don't feel that way. For me, getting out with other people takes it away, it hardly matters what it is. There's lots of groups and stuff to get involved with (e.g. meetup.com) as well as work harder on friendships. If you don't have a dream or feel a purpose, then the next best thing is find things that are enjoyable rather than boring, so you're not just sitting around thinking negative thoughts. Also consider physical and nutritional factors that can effect your mood, check out The Mood Cure book for example. Mindfulness and meditation stuff has helped me too, learning to drop the negative mind chatter that can lead to depression or anxiety, as well as learning to not put power into other people to make us happy or not. Lots of free good content here too at by Chuck at http://www.personal-development.com/chuck/.
     
  3. Todd Hicks

    Todd Hicks Senior Member

    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2014
    Messages:
    523
    Likes Received:
    245
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    freelancer/entrepreneur
    Location:
    St. Louis, Missouri
    Get back into running or other good forms of exercise such as walking, as it will naturally help you feel better besides keeping you fit and healthy. I second the advice mentioned above that you must do the things you enjoy, as life goes on. I understand how painful the breakup must be but you must get past that and move forward with your life for yourself, your family and your friends. Finally, we all have purpose. You choose what it is once you reflect on and discover it.
     
    ang.necole11 and msuccess like this.
  4. ang.necole11

    ang.necole11 Member

    Joined:
    May 20, 2017
    Messages:
    35
    Likes Received:
    6
    Gender:
    Female
    Skype:
    angelal
    There is a natural tendency for people to want to "stop" or "change" something that doesn't feel good. That's fine, but it doesn't always work. What has worked for me, however, is acceptance. I accept how things are, I accept that I feel crappy, I accept that no dreams, etc. Once I begin to accept my feelings, as oppose to push them away, the anxiety of it begins to lessen. Also, we often want to escape these feelings with distractions (hanging out with friends, going for a run). The problem with this is that we need to learn to find contentment when we are alone, even if it feels uncomfortable or it makes us depressed.

    It's hard. It takes a lot of courage. But meditation and finding life purpose can help ease this so much.

    All the best.
     
  5. john_268

    john_268 New Member

    Joined:
    May 20, 2017
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Teacher
    Location:
    Georgia
    I was in the same situation. I got divorced. I was feeling completely frustrated and unmotivated. My good friend advised me Mantastic Life It really helped me to reignite the spark of passion for living and promoted the courage to endure life’s challenges.
     
  6. Paul Proctor

    Paul Proctor Member

    Joined:
    May 13, 2017
    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New Hampshire
    Don't be afraid to seek help from a therapist. Sometimes we need someone to talk through these issues with, especially when it has been going on for a while. My first step would be to start running again, even if you don't feel like it. It is amazing what exercise can do for you. It is better than free drugs for depression. Best of luck.
     
  7. Ricardo Ortiz

    Ricardo Ortiz Advisor Member

    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2017
    Messages:
    25
    Likes Received:
    12
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Clinical Psychotherapist
    Location:
    Guadalajara Jalisco Mexico
    The best thing to know is in that dark moment we grow. I don't understand why people see their experiences as negative. All experiences are just experiences, sensations and something to learn. To turn around our darkest days we must go deep inside ourselves. Something inside of us is depressed, unmotivated and meaningless. That something inside you is saying you must give up. But you know what I have seen. Most people in their darkest nights shine. Why because they figure out the message in that experience or sensation. Now with the intend to help you, what message is that something inside you wants you to learn but you can't accept because of ego? Take care.
     
  8. marypsi

    marypsi Member

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2015
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    1
    Occupation:
    Musician
    Location:
    Michigan
    I went through something similar when a relationship of mine ended. I was devastated, for a long time, and it grew to the point where I felt ashamed expressing it to my friends, because I didn't want to seem like a broken record. It may seem cheesy, but it really is true when they say time heals all wounds. I similarly took a long time with that grieving process--I didn't try dating seriously for about 2 years, but that was the time I personally needed. It sounds like you may also be on your way (saying that you don't cry every night anymore). It may still hurt to think about the past (I still am hurt when I think about my ex and how unfair it seemed), but I would say focus on yourself now. Allow yourself to be almost hedonist! Self-care is so important. I remember after that break up and going through a stressful internship, I would grab a milkshake and fries on the way home, and then eat them while taking a bath and watching some bad (good bad) TV!

    I also found that doing something creative during that dark period really helped me. Kind of the philosophy, that I had all these sad/dark feelings inside, but if I didn't let them out, they would just stay inside and fester. I wrote a lot of music at that time, and participated in a poetry therapy group. Even just the act of journaling to transfer feelings into words can be healing (or writing like in these forums!). I know when I'm very sad, it's almost like I'm stagnant/inactive, where I'm just experience/feeling the pain, but not identifying or verbalizing it. If your can't find the words, maybe even drawing it, or choosing a color or noise to describe you pain.

    Being physically active helps me as well. I feel like I can get my sadness and especially anger/frustration out that way. It sounds like you used to run, and I know the first time getting back into the swing of something is the hardest... but I always remind myself that it gets easier and easier to drag myself out to something the more that I do it.
     
  9. Individual Protocol

    Individual Protocol New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2017
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    First, I want to start by saying I am sorry that you have had your heart broken. I have been there and I too battled depression for a couple of years before I was able to start to find myself again. For me that was years ago and at the time I was able to make some major changes in my life that led to me regaining my sense of belonging in the world. I overcame the depression but I wasn't truly the same afterwards. In the last few years I have been on a journey of self-discovery and have finally found myself again. It has been a struggle, I would always recommend therapy if you can find the right person, especially because you've been struggling for a while it seems. I am a personal & professional development consultant in Indiana and have recently opened my own firm. I would be happy to share more of my story with you and my thoughts on where you could start to find yourself again if you are still searching. FB @individualprotocol
     
  10. Jonnydark

    Jonnydark Member

    Joined:
    Jul 7, 2017
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Hi Will_To_Improve! I hope some of this great advice has helped you improve!

    My first word of advice to to seek out the help of a qualified counselor or therapist. I had amazing results with an Art Therapist. (I'm an artist, so it was good to have someone on the same page... lol)

    My next word of advice on how to find your purpose is to sit down with a pen and paper (Ideally although you could write on computer too) and write down 7 memories you have that really made you feel alive. Be as specific as possible. Who were you with? What were you doing? What did you think about it at the time? Then list the sensations or emotions you were feeling. Don't worry about exact words. Get the feeling. What made that memory you write special? What was different? Now take all of that and try to see if you can see any themes. What situations did you feel great in? What were you doing then? Who were you with, or were you alone? Now for each memory write down "It made me want to (Do what) so that (impact)"

    Now figure out your purpose. Take all of them and make a "Master" one.

    Now write down how you might do this.
    Then write down what you do.

    Here is what mine looks like:

    "To live simply so that I have the least detrimental impact on the Earth as possible. How I do this is by having no children, eating no meat, telecommuting, owning no car, buying used and fair trade. What I do is make digital comics with environmental themes (On used computer hardware). My comics have quality stories with memorable characters and beautiful art."

    Makes sense right? In four sentences I summed up what I stand for.
     
  11. ravi_gablu

    ravi_gablu New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2017
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    1
    Skype:
    happinessjournal.me
    Happiness is not outside, it is within us, and can be created on demand, now that may seem like a mumbo jumbo but that's what the eastern philosophies have been saying for thousands of years. There are certain techniques which can empower you to have a better control over your emotions/feelings. One is Yoga and Meditation, not the exercise part that you see on TV but the spiritual part, which empowers you to have a better awareness of your emotions and when you have a greater awarenes then you have better control. I dont want to advertise for one Guru or Spiritual leader so I would suggest that you do further research on this online. do not take my word for it. At least try it once, and see if this makes any difference.
     
    J E Roberson likes this.
  12. Egi

    Egi New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2017
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    I understand your pain. Being emotional is natural that is what makes us human. But the fact is that life is all about the choices we make.You can either choose to be happy or the reverse. If you continually allow the negative events that happens to you then you will probably end up in painful regret and misery. So what do you do? Simply make a conscious effort to see the good out of every bad situation. You either create or allow everything that happens to you. The problem is your mindset. To change your life change your thinking. Think positive and act positive the resulting effect will be positive. That is the way the mind works. Leverage the law of attraction. However, your brain has been wired to thinking emptiness, loneliness, depression, lack of purpose, fear of loss of love, unhappiness and all sort of emotional vices. Think of the things that you enjoy doing. Practice an attitude of gratitude Practice mindful meditation. Practice exercise. Cultivate self discipline. Remove the limiting belief holding you from maintaining a higher vibration. Follow your instinct. Do what you enjoy doing. Practice mental visualization. Set goals. Think of the single most important thing that if you do will dramatically make you feel better. Once you find it that is your life purpose. If you adhere to the principles of success you will invariable experience boundless energy and thoughts to overcome life's challenges.
     

Share This Page