Removing people from your circle

Discussion in 'General Self Improvement' started by universal, Aug 15, 2017. Replies: 11 | Views: 335

  1. universal

    universal Member

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    I have heard countless of times from the biggest names attached to personal development, that you must get rid of people that aren't on the same path, or don't contribute to your goals. People that "keep" you down. I completely disagree with this philosophy. YOU are in control of your own actions and thinking. I see Peer pressure as an excuse to not keeping yourself accountable. If you have a goal of losing weight, and your inner circle has over weight issues? Then you should get rid of them and associate with others that are in the shape you wish to be in. This is completely FALSE. your friends didn't make you shove all that food YOU knew would contribute to your weight gain. Yes, I agree with associating with others who have the same goals as you, and are taking the right steps to achieve those; will have a positive influence on you. But you should not have to drop your own friends for this reason. Especially those who have been loyal, loving friends that have been there and supportive of you. If a person has a great heart, is a good person, that is a friend to keep; no matter their goals.
     


  2. Visitor

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    There is a difference between being friends with a friend, and friends with a circle/group.
    Group dynamics and conformity plays a big role in how the group treats you. Friend-or-foe in those so-called cliche groups.

    I recently stopped see a group which was quite sexist and racist. The group always formed when we when to a cafe after a sporting event. Sexist and racist comments were heard at every grouping. Discussing the issue did not help. The group leader was the main offender. So everybody, except me, conformed. Now I no longer join that group, though I still partake in the sport with them, and in one to one friendship. Alone, except for the group leader, do not openly express sexist or racist remarks.

    So, I still maintain friendship, but not with the group.
     
  3. universal

    universal Member

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    That's interesting Never would've thought about it that way. Thanks for commenting!
     
  4. Ricardo Ortiz

    Ricardo Ortiz Advisor Member

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    Most of the people we meet are just experiences or mirrors of ourselves. I believe it is a good thing to have a mix of friends, styles, beliefs because it helps you connect and decipher who you really are. It helps you discover your passion, purpose, meaning and more. Other people just reflect things about ourselves we like, dislike or cannot see in ourselves. For instance, I have a couple of friends who are unmotivated but this does not mean I should discard them. On the contrary they help me become more and see a state I don't want for myself. I respect them individually and accept them as who they are. They are just mirrors to see another side of me.
     
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  5. universal

    universal Member

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    This is awesome. Love the mirroring concept
     
  6. Cynthia

    Cynthia Senior Member

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    As humans, we tend to pick up the habits of people we associate with. So if you're faced with a life-or-death need to lose weight, you probably would fare better if you sought out the company of people who are not going to tend to encourage you to eat more. I suspect that's where the advice you write of comes from. The simple tendency to be more likely to copy others!
     
  7. universal

    universal Member

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    Hey Cynthia! Thank you for your insight. I appreciate you taking the time to comment
     
  8. Colourstory

    Colourstory New Member

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    There are people called Energy Vampires. They such the life out of you and always seem to take and not give. People who stop you reaching your goals with their negativity should be gently let go. For example I lost my ten year old son in a road accident. My Bible Baptist friend told me he was burning in hell because we were Catholic and Catholics weren't real Christians. Needless to say the comment hurt and turned me away from fundamentalists and she is no longer in my life. This is probably an extreme example, but life is short and no one needs to be put down in any area of their life.
     
  9. ang.necole11

    ang.necole11 Member

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    Right. There is a difference between people who attack you and people who support you. Just because you guys are not on the same path, doesn't mean you can't be friends. When you have different paths as someone yet you can still co-exist, you know you have a friend for life!
     
  10. KALUM

    KALUM New Member

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    I like your post. You 100% are fully responsible for your choices. There's no reason at all to cut out the good people from your life if you feel they have a significant part to play in it. The "experts" aren't saying get rid of the good people in your life. When your faced with a challenge and your focusing all your energy into achieving that goal, the last thing you need to be doing is overcoming negative feedback from your peers as well. People who try to put you down or attempt to derail your efforts need to be avoided if possible. They maybe afraid of loosing you but if they were a true friend they would be trying to help instead of hinder you. You will soon discover who your true friends.
     
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  11. Ry!

    Ry! Member

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    I think a big part of whether you should cut people out is their reaction towards your change. If they are supportive and encourage you on your path it's clear you are in good company. However quite often, let's keep with the weight example, the people around you suffer from the same problem and aren't ready to change. This means they will fight your own change because of the fact that if you do change it would make it more obvious to them that they need to change too and it's possible to change. More often than not they will end up being the anchor that weights you down. I actually wrote a post about this in my blog, but since I'm new here I'll save linking it to another time.
     
  12. fatbastard91

    fatbastard91 Member

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    takes strength to cut out toxic people. especially if you have been friends with them for years. or even worst if they are family members. why most people tolerate toxic people in their lives. very rare to find someone who is surrounded by absolute positivity. if you dare try spending one day listening to what people close to you are saying to you. little insecure comments that sting at you. trying to bring you down or keep you dont. trying to keep you in a frame that you are little or incapable beucase they feel bad about their own lives .so yea rationally you should cut out like 90 percent of the people you know. will you? probably not. its hard
     

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