THE
FIORE REPORT ON SEXUALITY
Seven
simple steps that can ensure continued sexual satisfaction.
STAY
SEXY YOUR ENTIRE LIFE
If
you are over 50 and want the best life has to offer, you probably
desire a passionate,stimulating sex life, too. If you
are under 50 you probably wonder what you have to look forward
to sexually when your half-century birthday rolls around.
This FIORE
REPORT ON SEXUALITY provides
simple, easy-to-follow steps that can ensure your being sexy
in your 50's, 60s, 70s-and beyond! Our report contains
good news you should read before you get one day older!
THE
GOOD NEWS
- Research
definitely shows that sex after 60 can actually be BETTER than
ever.
- Enjoyment
can increase as partners continue to share love, life, fun,
and intimacy throughout the years A Recent poll of 6,000
men and women over age 60 reported that 37 percent still had
sex at least once a week.
- A
Masters & Johnsons' study of 250 sexually active couples
found that frequency of intercourse declined only a slight
amount between the ages of 60 and 70.
- Married
men in their sixties claim they experience deeper sexual satisfaction
than when they were 20 and single, while older married women
admit they are sexually happier than they were when younger
- as long as they successfully
dealt with the physical and emotional changes
than accompanied menopause.
- Studies
reveal that 62% of healthy men and 30% of healthy women between
80-102 years of age still have sexual intercourse! Many
older couples describe a satisfying sex
life consisting of touching and caressing as
forms of sexual expression and love toward one another, even though
they don't have intercourse.
The idea of having a full and rewarding
sex life (even until we're 100!) is,undoubtedly, appealing. Physicians,
clinicians, and sex researchers know it can be possible to
ensure an active sex life - no matter how many birthdays we've
had.
1.
CULTIVATE YOUR VERY OWN IRRESISTIBLE APHRODISIACS
A
vigorous and well-cared-for body and a lively personality are
two of the most powerful aphrodisiacs known to man (and
woman)! Best of all, you can have them with you at all
times if you want them. Imagine, homegrown ever-ready aphrodisiacs. And
they're legal, too!
Staying
healthy, fit, and vibrant not only makes us out-wardly attractive
and alluring to others, but both help us feel sexy, desirable,
and confident,too. That confidence creates your "sexual
energy," a seductive charisma guaranteed to awaken a partner's
sexual interest.
Naturally,
the most obvious way to stay healthy and fit is to TAKE
CARE OF YOURSELF: don't smoke, do use alcohol moderately, control your blood
pressure and weight, eat
a well-balanced diet, get regular exercise and adequate
rest. And remember,regular check-up visits to your physician
must be an essential part of your sexual-fitness program, too.
Best
of all, couples who work to stay healthy together enjoy the added
benefit of building emotional closeness while they share a sport
or fitness activity. Taking brisk walks together, for instance,
gives couples an opportunity to talk,share ideas and feelings,
relax the nervous system - and give two respiratory systems and
happy hearts a healthy
workout.
2.
THINK YOUNG, FUN, AND - YES - SEXY
When you watch someone who is enthusiastic, youthful,
jovial, and having a good time, do you even notice how OLD that person is? Probably
not. Most likely you just want to get to know that person and be part
of the high spirits. And when you keep your attitude and behavior youthful
and playful, YOU'LL be the person others are attracted to and want to be with.
Often,
youthful people who are 50+ feel guilty because they
frequently think about sex the way they did when
they were 20 years old. Surely - they fear - it must be nonsense
for someone with graying hair and mature stature to have the lusty notions
and urges of a post-adolescent. DON'T YOU BELIEVE IT!
You're
SUPPOSED to think about sex the same way you did when you were
20 - you just might no think about it as
often. Nonetheless, your personal approach
to sex at 50 and beyond is supposed to be as titillating, erotic, and creative
as it was when you were 25. Feel and be sexual without guilt! Loosen
up and be inventive! Go ahead and have more fun than
you did years ago.(But always be responsible, of
course.)
3.
PLAN ON HAVING GOOD SEX!
As we get older, GOOD SEX ALSO REQUIRES
GOOD TIMING. Are you a morning person? A night
owl? What about your partner? The best time to
make love is when you
and your partner are the most responsive (as men
mature, that time is usually in the morning) - so GOOD SEX ALSO REQUIRES
SOME PLANNING.
As
often as possible, clear everybody out of the house so you and
your partner can be as uninhibited as you want to be. Get
rid of the kids for a while-- and send the grandkids home to
their parents, for a change.
Once
alone, take time to enjoy yourselves. Men- absolutely turn
off the TV! Turn down the lights. Or turn them all on! Why
not light candles? Add music? Share the tub or shower? Play
an erotic and seductive board game? Watch a romantic or
sexy video?
Give
each other relaxing, sensual massages. Have you ever used
whipped cream in the bedroom? Peanut butter? (You can't
imagine the fun you can have with ice cubes!)
Take your clothes all off. Or put on costumes!
Make
love in the kitchen. Or on a blanket in the back yard under
your favorite tree at midnight. Then do it (again) at
high noon!
Let
your imagination and sense of sexual adventure lead you and your
partner into a glorious world of new delights, sensations, and
shared joys. When you run out of ideas, there are plenty of books
and videos on the market to help you discover new ones. Sex
will never be boring again. And neither will your life. All
it takes is a little creativity, time, and planning. So--
PLAN ON IT!
4. THE
CARDINAL RULE: JUST DO IT. AND DO IT. AND DO IT!
Masters
and Johnson, those famous sex researchers, claimed that continuing
to have sex was the "cardinal rule for preserving sexual
vigor beyond middleage." Post-menopausal women who
are sexually active have less shrinkage of the vagina and higher
levels of naturally produced sex hormones than do sexually inactive
women.
Likewise,men
who are sexually active as they pass through middle age and beyond
maintain higher blood testosterone levels than those who stop
having sex. The bottom line is that if you keep on doing
it, you better ensure your likelihood of being able to keep on
doing it.
In
other words: Use it or lose it. It's really that
simple. (clich or not).
5.
SEND SEX MESSAGES -- AS MANY WAYS AS YOU CAN.
The
key to the best relationship is always COMMUNICATION. If you
don't talk about your sex life and feelings with each other,
how can you get your message across and let
your desires be known? Sex therapists KNOW that a
good sexual relationship is greatly enhanced and ensured by an open, communicative,
caring, affectionate relationship.
Achieving
a closer, more loving relationship with your partner is a crucial
component of your sexual-fitness program. It's difficult
for sexual harmony to co-exist with marital distance and conflict,
submerged resentment, basic incompatibility, or lack of positive
feelings toward each other.
Such
barriers to communication must be addressed because they increasingly
inhibit sexual feelings as we grow older and as our basic biological
sexual urges diminish. If poor communication is a
problem in a relationship, a couple should seek the help of a
therapist in order to develop deeper levels of intimacy, love
and understanding, and greater shared physical enjoyment -the
reward can be a richer, fuller, more exciting life.
Remember,
too, that we also send sexy messages in very simple, ordinary
ways, too: be relaxed and interested in each other; avoid
drinking too much alcohol; pay special attention to body and
oral hygiene; be willing to learn new ways to touch
and please one another.
6.
EXPECT IT TO BE DIFFERENT, BUT EXPECT IT TO BE GOOD.
There's
no question our bodies - and its responses - change as we age.
But
those changes shouldn't concern or worry us. For men over
50, erections will usually be sturdy and reliable - although
they might take a little longer to achieve and won't be as hard
as a 20-year-olds.
The
forcefulness of ejaculation and orgasm may be slightly less than
in the past, and more time might be required between repeat performances. The
older man, in particular might require more direct stimulation
of is genitals to be ready for sex - unlike during his younger
days when his reaction and response was spontaneous, immediate,
and often.
As
a woman ages, however, her clitoris is not affected and her capacity
for orgasm and sexual interest normally remains unchanged. But
thinning of the vaginal walls can contribute to painful or uncomfortable
intercourse, as can an inability to
adequately lubricate; many of these conditions can
be reversed upon advice of her physician.
Understanding,
accepting, and working with these minor and normal bodily changes
can definitely help a couple create and enjoy a satisfying sex
life; there are presently many resources available to help couples
learn how to do all three.
7. GET
HELP FOR SPECIFIC SEX PROBLEMS
A
man's declining interest and ability to make love are often linked
to his health, and a visit
to a physician is definitely in order whenever a distinct change in lovemaking becomes evident. it is not yet known
whether change results because of the physical effects
on sexual functioning of an illness, or whether illness merely
alters the man's perception of his vigor.
The
perception of loss of vigor is most clearly seen in heart-attack
victims. There is a false belief that it is common
for people with heart conditions to die during intercourse;
one study showed that only .06 percent of deaths from sudden
heart attacks were caused by sexual activity, and the vast
majority of those cases involved extramarital
affairs.
Many
heart-attack survivors and their partners give up sex despite
the fact that there is no medical reason to do so. Some
authorities maintain that sexual activity with a familiar
partner puts no more demand on the heart than a brief, brisk
walk or a walk up two flights of stairs.
There
are some common medical problems than can contribute to sexual
dysfunction in those who are 50 and over: prostate problems,
diabetes, depression, hypertension, backache, stress incontinence
(mostly in women), cancer, as well
as effects from medicines prescribed for other illnesses. Whatever
you do, don't ignore these
conditions. And remember, most can be treated without
affecting sexual functioning, or you can learn how to modify your sexual behavior
so sex can continue despite
the problems and obstacles presented by illness.
The most common sex problems that exist today are
treatable:
MEN...........erectile
dysfunction, premature ejaculation, low sex desire.
WOMEN:...inability
to orgasm, painful intercourse, low sex desire.
Successful
treatment for sex problems includes self-help with the aid of
books, videos, tapes, etc., medical treatments, sex therapy,
sexual "coaching" or a combination of all of
the above.
All
of us are so fortunate we live in a time when we have an abundance
of materials and resources available to help us become and remain
sexy for the rest of our lives. Best of all, attitudes
about sex, partnering, and growing older have drastically changed
for the better in recent times. Life-long learning is an admirable
goal of everyone- and that includes learning how to be and stay
sexy, too.
For more articles from Dr. Tony Fiore, visit
http://www.partnersforchange.net
(Update: this webpage appears to be now invalid)
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