Have you ever thought about this very simple question: how do you get along with people? Are you successful in getting along with others or are you struggling with everyone in your life? Do you have the ability to be a good listener? Have you ever read a book or article on the subject of getting along with people – an art and skill we ought to learn about?
We all need to learn and understand the very effective skill involved in getting along with people. If you are not very familiar with it, don’t shift the responsibility for conducting a conversation to others and don’t blame events for your less than optimum ability.
Maybe it’s time to learn more about human knowledge regarding how to understand and deal with people. Maybe one day your life might be totally different just because you improved your approach to other people.
In this article I am going to explore how we can improve our ability to deal even with “difficult” people.
First, start your conversation with a thorough preparation of your thoughts. Put a smile on your face and stay positive. A smile is so powerful I can’t stress its significance enough. It is a messenger of your good will and costs nothing. The expression on your face is more important than anything else.
Even when talking on the phone you need to smile; your smile comes through your voice! This is a simple way of saying you are a friendly person who is ready to accept the presence and communication of the other person.
Getting along with people and knowing how to influence is knowledge. These days we talk about the time it takes to gain knowledge; there is much technical stuff we have to learn each day, but even more important is our education in the art of influencing people. If you want to improve your skills and knowledge of how to get along with people around you, it is necessary to understand human nature.
If you want to get along with others and be a good conversationalist, learn first to be good listener and give the other person a chance to say what he/she wants to say. Naturally, the tendency is to talk mostly about ourselves, about subjects that interest us, always from our point of view on any given topic.
If you are ready to listen to the person who is talking to you with exclusive attention, you are on your way to creating a good friendship with almost anyone. Respect and encourage others to talk about themselves and accept them as they are, rather than as you wish them to be. Acceptance of others will bring you tranquility and an inner peace instead of anger and resentment.
You cannot force everyone to be polite, but you can do your best.
People always think of themselves and like themselves much more than they like anyone in the world. Therefore, talk to people about them and they will listen to you for hours, complimenting you on your conversation even if you didn’t say a word! Just listening to the other person, you will give them a feeling of importance.
Never forget, people are struggling for a feeling of importance. Become interested in other people’s lives; do not try to get other people interested in you. In conversation, frequently use the pronoun “you,” rather than “I.” Use frequently the personal pronoun “you”, not “I”. When dealing with people, we should always remember we are dealing with creatures of emotions and prejudices rather than with creatures of logic.
Speaking of human nature, our understanding is greater when we deal with what we want as opposed to what others want. Every act we have performed was performed because we wanted to do it. Sounds very egotistical-but it’s true. So the only way to influence others is to talk about what they want. Next time when you go for a job interview, remember to ask yourself what the company wants from you, not what you want from the company. Use that skill for everything and you will be the beneficiary of everything in the world.
Yes, you have to be interested in people-the company, or whatever-if you want to be successful in getting what you want. I am not writing fiction; this is reality. We are in charge of our relationships with people and we are responsible for our ability to accept others.
If you are really interested in talking with others and interested in making good friendships, do not begin any conversation with subjects on which you differ. Start with things on which you agree. If in the first 5 minutes of conversation you say “no” more than twice, I can predict with good confidence that your conversation will end up in Nowhere City.
The difference between a good conversation and bad one depends on two words: ” yes “and “no,” both having a huge impact on the future of your relationship with that person. ” No” is much more potent than you think. The “no” response is a more difficult handicap to surmount than you might imagine. Saying “no “to the other person means, “you are not right,” “you don’t know,” “you don’t understand,” “you are not knowledgeable,” and sometimes even, “I don’t like you!”
“No” creates a reaction in one’s entire body, throughout the nervous, muscular, and glandular systems. The body is under stress, ready for fight. And next time when you see the same person, your body will remember these physiological reactions. On the other hand, with “yes,” none of the above activities takes place.
If your question is how it’s possible always to agree with someone, which is an impossible task, remember to express your criticism as advice, always respecting a person’s right to see the situation in another way. Never tell anyone they are wrong.
They will want to strike back, they will not change their minds, and in the end you will have an enemy instead of a friend. If you want to prove something, do it in such a manner so that no one thinks you are doing it. If you start your disagreement with the feeling you need to teach someone, or with the intention of proving you are right, it doesn’t work-simply because you cannot teach anyone anything. The only thing you can do is help them find the truth within themselves. Do not be aggressive or act superior.
I am not trying to say leave people with their (to your thinking) false opinions and wrong statements, not at all. What I am trying to say is speak politely, saying something like: “from my understanding,” or “maybe you are right and I am wrong, but I think.” or just simply “I see this situation,” or “I am not an expert in that particular field, but …….”
For me, the most important thing is: if you are wrong, admit it; do not pretend to know everything. You are, just as everyone else, a human being who makes mistakes. There are thousands of ways to leave the other person with dignity and let him/her feel worthy and clever but, before you try to teach or correct someone, try to understand him/her and make a decision to understand, instead of correcting. I know it is much easier to criticize than understand the other person’s point of view. In one word, criticism is useless, it’s a very dangerous weapon, and criticizing will not correct the situation we condemn.
What should we do? I do not have a proscription for every situation; simply try different approaches; for example, try to explain in a pleasant tone of voice, why it is beneficial for them, not for you, to do a certain thing in the manner you suggest. The only way of changing something in the other person is by inspiring enthusiasm and a desire in them to change, while maintaining the feeling of respect for their own beliefs.
Whenever you are in dilemma regarding how to react, ask yourself how you would feel or react if you were in the other person’s shoes. Your degree of successful conversation is proportional to the amount of control you have over your thoughts and feelings.
In closing, I would like to say: the purpose of writing this article is not to teach anyone; I just wanted to remind you that everything is possible if you want it and know how to make it happen. I also wanted to offer some examples in the area of understanding others. We are here to understand each other rather than fight each other.
Jahiel Yasha Kamhi is a motivational and popular science freelance writer holding a degree, specialist in medical biochemistry, and a bachelor’s degree in chemistry. He is passionate about writing articles that helping people live more empowered life, with knowledge, passion and purpose. Jahiel is contributing writer to many magazines. He also delivers presentations that inspire others to find more meaning and balance in their lives. He can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org. This article cannot be re-published without permission.